2018 Jan 26
Along with the anticipation and excitement of the last movie of this beloved franchise set to release this May (unfortunately we have to wait a whole year for part 2) one thought has run through all our minds; what if the Avengers Were Sri Lankan? Let’s take a look, shall we?
1. It will never end
One thing Sri Lankans love to do is drag out story lines and if you have watched Sri Lankan tele dramas or competitions (or even listened to your relatives tell a story) you know this is true. We could be on the 10th movie and still only be halfway through the story line. As far as this topic is concerned this would be an advantage because who wants the avengers to end?
2. Avenger Tuk Tuk
Forget the heli-carriers, make way for the A-tuk tuk. Sri Lanka is known for it’s traffic and in order for our heroes to respond to emergencies faster, the tuk tuk is the fastest way to weave through all that traffic!!
3. They’ll probably still be late……even Quicksilver!
It is a known fact that Sri Lankans just can’t be on time no matter how important the event may be and even Quicksilver will fall prey to this habit. (excuse the handful of Lankans who try their best to be on time, but ultimately give up as they’re always the first)
Hulk’s iconic purple pants would be….you guessed it….a purple sarong! Not to mention Thor’s Mjolnir, which will be probably being replaced by a true Sri Lankan hard core tool…a pol katu handa as they pack quite a punch as you know. Let’s face it, as a kid you’ve probably got whacked by one and remember what it felt like. (Even if you didn’t, your mother threatening to hit you with one was scary enough). You can probably guess what Black Widow would end up wearing.
5. Aunty Romanoff
While Black widow aka Natasha Romanoff is known for looking great and kicking ass, one thing that makes her an amazing spy are her interrogation skills which will perfectly be carried out by one of our gossipy aunties. She will be so persistent and jump to so many never thought of conclusions that are even worse than the crimes committed, that the bad guy will confess right away just so that he can get rid of her (much like we do with our aunties when we run into them)
6. Captain Lanka
This is a pretty obvious assumption, however quite a few things would be different. Firstly, he would probably be celebrated for freeing us from the British and not Hydra. The colour scheme would be blue and yellow like our cricket team and he could double as a mascot during his free time (or he could just match our flag). His iconic star – shield would be replaced by our iconic lion.
7. Stark tower
No team is complete without their headquarters to train and relax in and they have a range to choose from starting with WTC, the Lotus Tower or even the new Port City. Or they can even consider Sigiriya. I mean, it’s already a rock fortress.
8. J.A.R.V.I.S who???
Make way for JANAKA!! (Just Another All Knowing Adhikariya). Of course Iron Man’s computing system will be run by a Sri Lankan – user friendly one and will probably be super smart since, let’s face it, Asians are known to be smart and Sri Lankans are no exception.
Sri Lanka, like any other country, has stereotypical villains ranging from underworld thugs to grease yakas. We even have a few corrupt politicians that need to be stopped, much like we see in the movies. (Guess super heroes aren’t all that farfetched in some instances).
10. Iron Man’s parties would be even more legendary
One of the most memorable scenes are Iron Man’s parties because not only does he splurge his unlimited supply of money to throw the best parties but they’re often open to everyone. Additionally, it would be catered to Sri Lankans meaning baila, koththu/ biriyani and an endless supply of Sri Lankan arrack!
Don’t forget to catch Avengers: Infinity War (Part 1) in theaters on May 4th 2018!