2018 Apr 6
When Amaya Suriyapperuma decided to cosplay as a Wonder Woman last year, her goal was to create something positive to look forward to after a challenging 2016. After discovering that her father was suffering from cancer and then having to deal with the unbearable pain of losing a parent, battling with depression and weight loss, cosplaying as Wonder Woman was her way of coming out of a dark period. Little did she know that this courageous step of trying to build up her self-esteem would be ridiculed, criticized, and pictures of her would be turned into memes by those who thought that she didn’t ‘fit’ to play Wonder Woman. To Amaya’s credit she responded like a true Wonder Woman by standing proud and tall and not wavering or paying heed to naysayers.
“When I saw the meme, I was shocked thinking why someone would do something like this. I didn’t have time to process it because everything happened so fast and at that point I didn’t feel like I was massively affected. Later on when I thought about it more I realized that way before these people had come on board to question whether I was good enough or had the right body type to cosplay as Wonder Woman I had put myself through the barrage of questions and doubts. I have been struggling with body image issues since my teenage years and at one point I made it a habit to look into the mirror and say that I am beautiful. It was very hard in the start because I didn’t believe in it but with every passing week and month, I started to see my beauty and I learnt to embrace it. So by the time my naysayers had joined in the bandwagon I had already succeeded in the tests I had put myself through,” Amaya said, when asked about how she coped with all this negative attention.
Self-esteem is a topic we have all struggled with at some point in our lives. It has ebbed and flowed in so many different stages, sometimes bringing us down to our knees and at times lifting us up to soar towards the sky. As kids our self-esteem depends on our family, school, friends and our immediate background and fluctuates according to the beliefs we pick and develop along the way. For better or for worse, these beliefs tend to stick with us for a long time shaping our lives, until we learn to differentiate its merits. If we experience situations of abuse, neglect, bullying, ridicule, criticism or humiliation, during this journey these too get integrated into our self-esteem unconsciously until much later in life when we become aware and decide to make a change.In addition to all of this, we have all struggled with body image issues, assuming that we are either too thin, too heavy, too tall, too short or too much or too little of anything to fit into an idea that is widely accepted by society. We don’t realize that we inflict so much of pain and put our self-esteem through the mill without knowing.
As we get older, our self-esteem is shaped around our relationships, friendships, work and family. Although we add a few years to our age, it doesn’t always make us wiser. With adulthood comes a variety of pressure from, performance anxieties in the workplace and the bedroom, failure to achieve goals we task ourselves with to rejection of being turned down, all of these impact how we see and feel about ourselves. For some it’s the fear of being different whether it’s a disability, confusion about gender identity, sexual orientation or an illness such as AIDS, cancer or an STD. It’s tough and at times feels like a never-ending rollercoaster ride you want to get out of. In times like these, self-hate, blame, feelings of guilt, seep their way through into our bodies and minds and take refuge in us as we try to make sense of our lives. Fortunately, nothing in life is permanent and self-esteem also falls into this category. Just remember you’re not alone, every person you know and love has gone through a similar situation and has gotten out of it at some point in their life.
Here’s some tips to help you boost your self-esteem if you’re going through a rough time:
1. Do things you like and enjoy, from spending time with a friend, to going out for a meal or reading. Prioritize doing things that you enjoy more frequently.
2. Spend some quality time with your friends – If you’re going through a bad patch, meet or call up some friends who have the time and who are willing to listen. Whether it’s venting or laughing over something silly, companionship has the ability to lift your spirits up at any time of the day.
3. Use your creative skills to elevate your mood, whether it’s writing, singing, drawing or playing an instrument.
4. Write down your negative thoughts, this gives you a different perspective and a sense of clarity and helps you understand things better.
5. Create a Hope Box – collect your achievements, things you value and love to remind yourself of your strengths and what you have already achieved in life. This could be anything from medals, letters and gifts from loved ones, birthday cards and certificates.
6. Do something nice for yourself – it can be something simple and affordable. Just to remind yourself how much you value yourself.
7. Invest in meaningful friendships and relationships – this will help you brighten up your life with love and laughter.
8. Exercise – there’s nothing like a good workout to boost those good chemicals.
9. Celebrate every win even the smallest ones – this will help you practice gratitude and appreciate what you’re already blessed with.
10. Help other people –As Audrey Hepburn said, “Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it’s at the end of your arm, as you get older, remember you have another hand: The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others.” There really is nothing in the world that is more rewarding than the feeling of helping someone else.
11. Have a set of affirmations that will boost your self-esteem and confidence and practice it every day.
12. Set realistic goals for yourself that you know are within reach so that you don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself.
13. Work on your coping skills and conflict resolution – these will go a long way and help you boost your self-esteem as well as help you deal with stress and anxiety.
14. List down your strengths and deficits and use it to elevate your self-esteem and work on strengths you need to focus on.
15. If none of the above tips have helped you, seek professional help from a psychologist or counselor.
