2016 Jul 2
by Vandana Hiranand
If you’re a Sri Lankan of the 21st Century, then you almost certainly have a Facebook account. And it’s not just you! Suddenly, everyone you know is on Facebook, including your parents, neighbors, aunts and all your friends. You now wake up every morning and check your home page like it’s the newspaper. And yet, something on your feed will get on your nerves at least a few times each day.
If you’re tired of this annoyance and want to improve your feed, you can definitely start by unfriending these 7 friends.
- The Avid Updater
This is the friend who cannot suppress the need to post about every single detail in his/her life. Simply by scrolling through Facebook, you know exactly where this person had lunch and with whom. You know all about their love lives, family quarrels and dentist appointments. It seems that this person has their status box confused with their personal diary and he/she is the perfect bait for any stalker. Although you may have met this person no more than once, you now know all his personal emotions. Basically, it’s time to unfriend this one. You’ll have a more peaceful day without the knowledge that your Facebook friend had a crisis about what to eat for lunch.
2.The Spoiler Alert
It’s the middle of a boring day at work, and all you can think about is getting home and watching a new episode of your favorite show. You’ve been gearing up for this episode all week and you’re mentally prepared to have your mind blown. At this point, you log onto Facebook, scroll through your news feed and immediately see a massive spoiler for this new episode. Congratulations, your day has just been ruined. And this is all because of that one guy who absolutely needs to express his emotions about the show on social media, mere hours after it has been released. Social norms clearly indicate that one does not post a spoiler, not even for one’s enemy. Now your latest Game of Thrones episode has been spoiled and you realize it’s time to unfriend this person. And if you haven’t done this already, what are you waiting for? Winter is coming, and with it, more spoilers.
- The Regretful Ex
Have you ever been in a relationship that didn’t end too well? You may have had your heart broken and, like a regular person, you drowned your sorrows in ice cream, corny movies and on the phone with your best friend. This particular Facebook friend has some different and largely annoying coping mechanisms. Rather than speaking to his/her friends, this delightful individual will post a series of sad statuses (such as breakup songs), and share an increasing number of breakup posts. If you string these together, you will probably understand the entire story that led to his/her heartbreak. While this act is stereo typically attributed to girls, it is obvious nowadays that many Sri Lankan boys tend to be equally expressive after a breakup. Unless you want these depressing posts crowding your news feed, click that unfriend button.
- The Cist
This person is basically everything that ends with a ‘cist’. Highly likely to be a racist or sexist, he/she is the toned down Sri Lankan version of Donald Trump. Across his/her timeline, you will see a number of racist and rather degrading sexist jokes. Odds are they probably don’t realize just how offensive these jokes are. Yet, they will always produce them at every opportunity. If you try to explain feminism to this person, you will end up wanting to jump off a cliff after the argument. Basically, if you have tried and failed, then simply delete and unfriend.
- The Saviour
Ah, the Knight in shining armour. This individual will like, share, and comment on posts of disabled people, children or poor kids in Africa. These posts will be captioned with ‘1 like = 1 prayer’ with a picture of a person undergoing a medical difficulty. The saviour will take part in all these actions and automatically assume he/she has contributed towards the well being of society. Rather than actually donating money or praying for someone, these posts will be all over your news feed, definitely causing you to hit that unfriend button.
- That One Couple
These two are in love, and they want the whole world to know it. In fact, they don’t want anyone to ever forget it. Your feed will comprise of them writing on each other’s walls, sharing posts captioned #relationship goals and expressing their extreme love for the other person. You’re probably happy for them, and think it’s great that they’ve found each other. And yet, you start to wonder whether they have ever texted each other, since their entire relationship takes place on your Facebook news feed. If you really can’t handle them, it’s time to unfriend them.
- The Stranger
You probably have no idea who this person is, and yet he/she is all over your Facebook. Odds are you have at least a few of these in your friends list, and it’s about time to cut them loose. You may have added the stranger by noticing a few mutual friends. Now, years later, you start wondering what possessed you to accept this friend request. In a worst case scenario, it may be a creep who sends you random messages in the middle of the night. Ideally, your list should only contain people whom you actually know. All the rest must go.
If you want to reduce the negativity and annoyance on your news feed, brighten it up by unashamedly unfriending anyone you don’t really want on your feed. After all, filling your day with positivity is much better.
On that note, never EVER unfriend anyone who regularly posts pictures of cute puppies, kittens and dogs. You can never have too much of that in your life.
