2016 Nov 7
by Vandana Hiranand
With the American presidential elections just hours away, the whole world is eager to find out whether the next U.S. President will be Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. Meanwhile, we can’t help wondering what would happen if this was taking place in Sri Lanka, and if democratic candidate Hillary Clinton was a Sri Lankan!
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Every Sri Lankan aunty would be talking about her
Undoubtedly, Clinton would appear on various television shows and posters across the country. Whether they begin gossiping about her, praising her campaign, or scrutinizing every detail about her life, we would definitely be unable to get through even one family function without the mention of ‘that Hillary lady’ and ‘aiyyo, didn’t you see her on that show last night?’
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She wouldn’t need to delete emails
As we all know from much experience, Sri Lankan politicians can do whatever they want without dealing with the consequences. Far from having to worry about it and deleting a bunch of emails, Clinton could have nuclear missiles in her backyard and we would be none the wiser. The viral email scandal would not even come close to a controversy in Sri Lanka.
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She would wear a saree
Like all female politicians in Sri Lanka, Hillary Clinton would have to don a saree daily, when campaigning all around the country. For some unexplained reason, the image of Clinton campaigning in a saree is downright comical. In comparison to her signature pantsuit, a typical Lankan saree would most definitely look out of place.
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A trail of sexism would follow her around
Similar to the experiences most female politicians in our country have had, a hoard of sexism will follow Clinton all around. Every aspect of her will be criticized, from her manner of speech and her hairstyle, to the way she wears that new Kandyan saree, of course. She would definitely face a higher interruption count during debates from Sri Lankan male politicians than even Trump!
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She would adopt the typical Sri Lankan political lifestyle
Based on the landscape of politics in Sri Lanka, it’s safe to assume that Clinton would succumb to the not uncommon gangster lifestyle. We wouldn’t be too surprised if the fear of a differently coloured van begins to spread rapidly!
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There’s sure to be another (slightly delayed) 30-year war!
If Trump was Sri Lankan and won the presidential election, the triggered racism would set off an immediate war in the country. Meanwhile, if Clinton became the president of Sri Lanka, we would most definitely not escape this war. Instead, we would eventually face the same war, simply delayed by a few years.
Taking all of this into account, let’s be thankful that these presidential elections are taking place far away from our little island. In the meantime, we can all follow this entertainment during the voting happening soon.
