2018 Jan 15
As a frequent driver or user of public transport in Sri Lanka, trying to maneuver through the circus that is our roads, you’re sure to come across these drivers – or maybe you’re even one of these people! So take a look at the types of Sri Lankan drivers below!
1. The distracted one
These are the people who drive like idiots and when you pass them by, you realize why; they’re on their phones. As a Lankan girl, I understand better than most that when amma calls you must answer but how are people not aware of the concept of speakerphone yet?! Even worse is the (often young) crowd, snapchatting or texting or some other nonsense they shouldn’t be doing while driving. Taking a selfie because the lighting is on point is not worth endangering the lives of others and your own.
2. The Oglers
The bane of female drivers’ existence, these guys will stare at us like they’ve never seen a woman behind the wheel before. It doesn’t just stop at staring, of course. They’ll follow us for miles, pull up next to the driver’s side (there’s a special place in hell for the guys in motorbikes who do this) and try to catch our attention in any way they can – as though we’re going to somehow appreciate being harassed and will pull over to the side to give them our number! This always simply ends with me pulling my phone out to take a picture of them and the cowards hastily driving off.
3. The Learner
The newborns of the roads, these drivers don’t just have to focus on the idiots driving and walking on the road, but also the instructor in the car who will be yelling at them about clutch balance, hand-wheel placement, looking at the mirrors and a hundred other things. Probably the only drivers who follow all the road rules (for the first few months at least), we can’t really blame them for holding up traffic sometimes. After all, we all started out this way, so let’s cut them some slack shall we?
4. The “Supreme”
Ah, Sri Lankan ministers, whose existence we are loudly reminded of every time our vehicles are held up to make way for them! God only knows where they’re racing off to and what they’re racing off to do! In the movie of life, U Can’t Touch This would play every time a minister and entourage of vehicles drive by because that’s probably how cool they feel, speeding down our roads ever so importantly to waste more taxpayer money.
5. The spectrum of speed
On one end of this spectrum we have the Siripalas and Somalathas who pay as much attention to speed limits as we do to the Terms and Conditions of a document. Tearing down our small roads at insane speeds, these Lankan Louis Hamiltons are terrifying. Not to mention the stress it is to be driving and having a massive bus thundering down the road, horning at you to get out of the way when there is nowhere to go to. Stick to the bus lane on the left, pal!
On the other end there are the ones who crawl along the road, giving new meaning to the phrase “kota kota yanawa” and these drivers are possibly the most frustrating to encounter. Either they have no idea where they’re going and are trying to find a road (ever heard of Google Maps?) or they are just completely oblivious and don’t care about the fact that they are holding everyone up while driving at 30 in the middle of the road!
6. Road Rage McGee
Hell truly hath no fury like a road rager scorned! Piss these drivers off and you will be subject to a tirade of swear words paying homage to your mother and the like. Any perceived slight towards them and you will have them race, horn and flash you down to make sure you know just how angry they are. Two road ragers butting heads (and egos) is one of the best forms of entertainment though. They’ll even get out of their vehicles and/or buses to hash it out – just make sure you don’t get caught in the crossfire!
