2016 Feb 1
Discipline; a much debated topic among parents and caretakers, requires some amount of consideration. Very often parents fail to place importance on discipline until inappropriate behavior surfaces in their child. By placing importance, I mean that principles of discipline in a family should be discussed and thought about even before children are part of that home. It requires careful consideration and should not be done hastily at a moment of frustration. Here are five ways to ensure that you discipline your child in an effective way.
- Focus on the good not the bad – children are naturally attention seekers. If your child’s negative behavior is what gets your immediate attention, there is a good chance that your child may repeat that behavior just to ensure more attention. This is to simply place importance on the power of positive reinforcement; the act of rewarding acceptable behavior. Positive reinforcements come in all forms. From a word of praise to a material gift, the main idea is to motivate appropriate behavior by rewarding it when it happens.
- Stay consistent– What is inappropriate behavior on one occasion should not become appropriate behavior on another occasion. Children thrive in a consistent atmosphere. Consistency merely means me say that a child can depend on what is being taught to him. In order to practice this, it is recommended that adults in a home have a unified understanding of what is accepted behavior and what isn’t. This unity should be made very clear to the child. If more than two ice cream servings at a time is not encouraged by mom, it should be discouraged by dad too. The worst thing you can do for your child is to confuse him by giving him mixed signals when it comes to what is good or bad behavior.
- “Be like me” – Modelling appropriate behavior goes a long way in helping a child with discipline. If you wish for your child to reduce T.V time and there’s an adult in the home who practices extensive T.V time, you cannot expect your child to follow that rule without resistance. Remember, that just because a child doesn’t voice his resistance to such rules in a home, doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel confused about such a rule. This is a typical case of discipline being ineffective.
- Calm and clear vs angry and loud – when a child has done something that he isn’t supposed to do, your first instinct may well be to raise our voices and use many words to get his attention. What you don’t realize is often the child isn’t paying much attention at the time. A calm attitude, with very few words will almost always trump a raised voice with many angry words.
- Focus on the behavior, not the individual – It is important that the child understands that it is the behavior alone that has been inappropriate or appropriate, not him as a person. In practicing this, youshould avoid using phrases like ‘good boy’ or ‘good girl’ while praising a child for appropriate behavior. Instead the attention should be on the particular behavior that was appropriate by perhaps saying ‘well done’ or ‘good job’. This way the child understands that his behavior is something that he can choose to change if he wants to. Focusing on the behavior also helps the child understand that he is loved and esteemed by you regardless of his behavior; a much needed criteria for his self-worth.
Joanne Sathyadass has a Bachelor of Arts majoring in Journalism, Psychology and English Literature from the University of Bangalore now serving as a Special Needs Educator
For any queries please email Joanne on joanne.parenting@gmail.com
