2018 Apr 18
We have all experienced the bitter aftertaste of failure at some point in our lives. As you read this, your mind is going to remember the big ones, the ones that made you doubt everything you had accomplished, the ones that made it hard to sleep at night and the thought of it still jabs at your self-esteem. Then there are the little ones, the ones we’ve pulled our socks up and worked hard to forget about. Everyone walking on this earth has experienced failure and there’s no shame in accepting it. Unlike success stories, people don’t always talk about their failures and how they coped with the disappointment and hurt of failing and how they learnt to overcome it and rewrite their stories.
Failure plays a vital role in our lives by not only changing the course of our plans but also providing us the opportunity to adapt. Whether major or minor, failures have a huge impact on our lives, our confidence and how we lead our lives from there on. At such a moment, life presents you with two seemingly simple choices – to dwell on your failure or make something out of it. Despite sounding easy, these are tough to follow with actions. Failure generally occurs when expectations are involved – whether they are yours or of others (family, friends, partner and employers), when you don’t live up to these so called expectations, you feel you have failed and disappointed yourself and others you care about.
Failure is tough and people accept and deal with it differently. Some take weeks and months and still carry it as a chip on their shoulders years later, while some take the hard lesson life has dealt them and adapt accordingly. How we deal with them changes us and the paths we take. By viewing our failures from a narrow lens and refusing to move past it by being flexible and looking at available options, we are only trying to make our already complicated lives much harder.
Here are some tips to help you with your coping skills the next time failure is at your doorstep.
- As soon as you have found out that you have failed at something – Wait it out! Most people have the tendency to do something impulsive when they discover they have failed. So wait it out, try not to do anything drastic or delay any action you might want to take.
- Give yourself the time to grieve over your failure and disappointment. It’s important that you take time to absorb this information and feel whatever you need to feel about it. Whether it’s anger, regret, hurt, pain or disappointment.
- Share your fears and feelings with someone you trust and who is willing to listen. If you can’t find someone soon enough, call a helpline – Sumithrayo on 0112 692 909 and the Courage, Compassion and Commitment (CCC) Foundation on 1333, they have trained befrienders and counsellors who will listen to you.
- Once you have grieved over your failure and disappointments, remind yourself of your past accomplishments and that you are capable of success. This is just a setback on a long road ahead.
- Discuss your failure and available options with your parents and family. In Sri Lanka where all examinations are considered as a life or death situation by most households, this could be one of the most difficult things that you have to do. But remind yourself, that at the end of the day your family cares deeply about you and they want the best for you. As much as it’s painful to deal with failure, it is also hard for them to watch you stumble along your journey. Although it may not seem at that point, you and your family will get through this hurdle.
- Every situation has a plethora of options, so you’re not doomed to fail in everything just because you have experienced one or several consecutive failures. Recognize your options and weigh them out and plan out a course of actions that suits you best.
- Once you slowly recover from this, try to be constructive and learn from this experience. Every situation in life provides us with an opportunity to learn something new. What can you learn from this? What can you do differently next time around? Take your time and answer these questions so that you can plan a better course of actions next time you’re dealt with a similar situation.
- Find inspiration from those close to you and those whose steps you’d like to follow. Everyone who has achieved something great in their lives has encountered failures numerous times, in fact that failure may have brought them closer to success. How did they deal with failure? How did they cope with it and what did they learn from their failed attempts?
- Keep moving forward, try not analyse and overthink about your past failed attempts. Invest all that energy and thinking into being positive and trying out news to succeed at your next attempt.
Proactive tips for parents and teachers:
- If you’re a parent or you have young nieces and nephews, teach them how to cope with failure from a young age. Show and teach them that failure and disappointments are part and parcel of life and that it’s okay for them to fail. It is through this that a child will understand that their life is far more valuable than a few failed attempts.
- Once you learn that your child has failed at an exam or anything else, try and be empathetic. You may have spent much of your money and energy to make sure that he or she succeeds but as much as you are disappointed, your child is more disappointed in himself for letting you down. So try and be considerate, harsh words and hitting is not going to make either of you feel any better even though it may seem so at the moment. This is a time when your child needs your utmost support and kindness so be there for them.
- Parents and teachers should also look into developing a child’s talents and interests apart from academics. In a world that is changing so fast; doctors, lawyers and engineers are not the only suitable jobs for your child. Now more than ever, the world is going to need children and adults, who are passionate and willing to adapt and learn to do jobs that the world so desperately needs. So be a parent and teacher who enhances and develops your child’s creativity and talent and don’t diminish it.
