2018 Jul 26
In our fast-paced technology fueled world, we are all trying our best to play catch up. Catching up on our work, which can take 9 – 12 hours of our day (if you count the hours we spend in traffic), multi-tasking different roles; trying to fit as many things we can do in the remaining 4 -5hrs we have per day. We are all so busy, trying to fit everything so that we can feel satisfied and in return be acknowledged as the best employee/significant other/spouse/parent and child that we almost always forget to step back and take a breather. We forget ourselves in these large shoes we try to fill in. In our pursuit to excel in everything, we forget to check up on those closest to us, to take 10 minutes of our day to ask “How are you feeling today?’ We have learnt to assume that just because we had a decent conversation during our commute to work, shared a nice meal with them, or since we didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, that they are in fact okay.
Research conducted recently in the UK showed that 10% of people in the age group of 16 – 24 yrs. ‘were always or often’ lonely, which was the highest in seven age groups from 16 – 75 yrs. According to research in the USA, loneliness affects 25% to 60% of older Americans and puts millions of Americans 50 yrs and over at risk of poor health from prolonged loneliness. Researchers have also concluded that loneliness has the same risk factor to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day and can shorten one’s lifespan by eight years. So how do these statistics affect us islanders? Are we blind to the fact that we too might score high on such research or are we blissfully oblivious that our children, parents, spouses, significant others and friends might actually suffer from loneliness and we have no idea about it? Perhaps, it’s not them, perhaps it’s you suffering in silence, day in and day out numbing the pain of feeling lonely with no one to talk to. Whatever situation you might find yourself in, we need to talk about loneliness, how it impacts our lives and affects us mentally and how we can overcome it.
Alone time vs loneliness
As the topic suggests, there’s a difference between spending time alone and feeling lonely. We all need some space and time to process things and events that take place in our lives, a time to reflect, some ‘me time’ – where we take time to nurture and nourish ourselves and our interests. By making time for ourselves, we are able to deal with day to day situations much more easily and this also helps us manage our work, obligations, relationships and friendships positively. On the other hand, loneliness has the ability to inflict bone numbing fear and isolation that most people find hard to express. We’ve all experienced the pang of loneliness at some point in our lives. It could be the time we moved into a new class and it took time to make new friends, days after a breakup, death of a loved one, or the fear of never finding a partner who will love us the way we want to be loved. All of these and many more could trigger feeling of loneliness. While investing in alone time can help you make positive changes to your life, the feeling of prolonged loneliness could cause depression and other related health risks. It may be worrying if someone struggles to spend several hours by themselves without the distraction of people, phones and social media but feelings of loneliness that goes undetected by others could be life threatening.
How can you overcome loneliness?
1. Self-awareness
Learning about yourself and understanding your feelings and triggers play a crucial role in overcoming feelings of loneliness. As much as loneliness is painful and unbearable, if you’re able to identify the thoughts and environment that trigger loneliness, you’re in a better place to manage these feelings when it does occur. Because every once in a while, we all do feel incomprehensibly lonely and we have to learn to navigate through these feelings and learn to be comfortable in our own skin. Pay close attention to how you may use technology to escape loneliness when you’re with a group of people or by yourself.
2. Network
Create your own network, your own tribe. This may include your immediate family, friends, a partner, colleagues, and acquaintances who you want to be friends with. Have a group of people you care about and who care about you. After all, humans are social creatures.
3. Invest in people and relationships
With the advancement of technology and AI, more people are limiting their physical social interactions with people around them and are prioritizing the virtual world. Just because you have over 1000 Facebook friends and Instagram followers, in reality you may have less than five friends to call your own. While it’s great to focus on individuality, that alone is not going to guarantee the success of the human race. So take the time and make the effort to invest in getting to know people and nourishing friendships with kindness, love, generosity and patience, not only to reap its benefits but because human connection is the greatest gift you can give yourself.
4. Take up new hobbies and activities
While dealing with loneliness is hard, feeling helpless and not making an effort to change how you feel is only going to make it worse. Instead of giving into the feeling of gloom, try your best to shake it off. Take up a new hobby, whether it’s exercising regularly, gardening or learning to play an instrument. Focusing on something new and fun will help you manage your time and feelings of loneliness better.
5. Join a group that you share a common interest with
Whether it’s a book club, the Geek Club, the Sustainability Hub or even volunteering at organisations like Gudppl and The Soup Bowl, so that you can meet likeminded people and work towards a common goal.
6. Beware of harmful behaviour patterns
We all have our ways of dealing with uncomfortable feelings. Most of us suppress it and distract how we feel with food, alcohol, other substances, casual sex, or even technology. Learn to identify what you do when you experience feelings of loneliness and try to replace it with something positive instead – whether it’s going for a run, spending some quality time with a friend or picking up a new skill or hobby. Learning to deal with it early on will help you reinforce more positive habits which are always useful to have.
7. Have a creative outlet
Whether it is music, sketching, cooking, writing or acting, have a creative outlet which will help you process your thoughts and emotions, help you relax and serve as a distraction when you’re feeling lonely.
