2018 Apr 27
Nothing can prepare you for a breakdown of a relationship – a relationship that you have invested your time, effort and most importantly love in. For those who have gone through it in the past and for those who are currently experiencing it, the feelings during a breakup can be described as losing the ground that has balanced you all this time. Breakups are hard, tough and nasty, but like everything else in life, they are also part and parcel of the grander scheme of life.
While breakups are hard on both parties, it is harder on the person who had no inclination that their significant other was planning to break up with them. To them, a breakup might feel sudden with no warning sirens to brace themselves for the bumpy road ahead.To lose someone that we have become familiar with and are very much attached to affects each of us differently. It can bring out feelings of resentment, rejection, shame, hate, fear, loneliness and shake up your self-confidence. Not only does it cause emotional pain, but it can also cause physical pain and start to affect our physical and psychological functioning. These losses weigh significantly on our hearts and minds, and have an impact on everything we say and do until we are able to take control of the situation. There are times that the emotional pain can take a physical appearance and show similar symptoms to that of a heart attack as well.
Each of us disguises our heartbreak differently. While most women tend to be vocal about it and cry it out, most men mask it and carry the pain deep within themselves, oblivious to everyone and suffer in silence. While there’s no right or wrong way to handle a breakup, not dealing with it could perhaps be the worst thing you can do to yourself. Undealt pain, could do more long term damage than you think and also has the potential to affect your future relationships negatively.
Here are 9 tips to help you through a breakup –
1. As soon as you experience a breakup, you’re going to feel an intense amount of emotional, physical and psychological pain. Don’t do anything to stop or numb the pain. You don’t need to ‘man up’ or ‘be strong’, you are allowed to feel the pain, hurt, anger and the rest of the not so pretty emotions that comes along with it. Sit with the pain and slowly process the events at your own pace. Know that it’s okay to cry, to let your guard down and grieve for something that has played an important role in your life.
2. Speak to a friend. When we’re at our lowest and our weakest, knowing that our friends have our back, takes us a long way. So reach out and call a friend. If you can’t find a trustworthy friend to talk to call or visit Sumithrayo – they are trained listeners who will willingly lend an ear.
3. Write it down. If you’re not comfortable talking about your breakup, then write it down. It will help you process the experience and help you understand your feelings. Writing down how you feel is also immensely cathartic and will provide you some kind of relief.
4. Do not isolate yourself. Most often when we go through a breakup, we isolate ourselves and cut out friends and stop interacting with society, because we’re ‘not in the mood’. While you don’t have to attend every party and get together, make sure to go out and meet people, spend time with friends and have some fun. Nothing can cheer you up like some sunshine and laughter.
5. While cutting contact with your ex may be the best solution, for some maintaining contact helps them cope better and recover from the breakup faster. Evaluate your situation. If you think you are going to check his/her Instagram and Facebook every half an hour for updates, then block your ex to maintain your own sanity at least till you are able to handle things better.
6. Avoid getting drunk or high too frequently. While drinking and experimenting with various drugs right after a breakup may seem like a great idea when you’re in pain, it doesn’t do you any good, if at all it will numb the pain for a short period of time and explode when you’re least aware or ready to deal with it.
7. Avoid rebound hook-ups and relationships. While for some sleeping their way through the pain may seem like a tempting option for a quick ego boost or to avoid being alone, sexcapades or relationships started for the wrong reasons will only leave you more confused and alone.
8. Watch your diet, hydration and sleep. One of the first things we tend to give up when we are sad is either our food or sleep. So keep close tabs on it and if you start on a new fitness routine –there’s no time like now to take up a new activity to fill in the extra time you have.
9. Be kind to yourself. Breakups are hard and they hurt. So be kind to yourself, look after yourself while you recover and love yourself. Remind yourself how great you are and celebrate every success, even the smallest ones.
