2017 Aug 26
Are you stuck with work wondering why you cannot remember the last time you and your family took a vacation? Well let me take you down memory lane to remind you of the unique joys of Lankan family vacations.
The Pre-Negotiations
As far as families go, Lankan families are a tight-knit group. Most of us have our grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins living right next door. Given that we are literally so close, going on vacation means taking the whole posy along (Yup, it’s the home alone family all over again). Consequently, the dreaded family negotiations must take place. First off, we have overly busy Aunt Renuka who gives us all a hard time about picking a date. Then, there is also extremely “money conscious” (cheapskate! *clear throat*) uncle Laal who finds even a rundown motel too expensive. I think you get the idea. But remember, despite a rough beginning, family vacations aren’t family vacations without the entire team to enjoy with.
Packing Struggles
Traditionally, in Lankan families it is usually Amma who does our packing. 5 days before the actual vacation date, mom usually starts off by taking an oath; “I am going to pack earlier. Not waiting until the last moment like last time.” Fast forward to the night before and the suitcase remains empty still. At this point, Amma transforms from a sweet, gentle lady to full on raging warrior mom. Tshirts, jeans, PJs, hairbrushes and toiletries will be thrown in with perfect neatness. Of course, she will also simultaneously be shouting “Nobody helps me in this house. I have to do EVERYTHING. What? No I don’t want help.”
Lights, Camera and Click!
Lankan families always have this one person who obsesses over photographing every moment. In my experience this honour usually goes to Amma. Heaven forbid, you walk by a flower pot, a statue, a fountain or even a bizarre wall painting, this will be Amma’s cue to squeal; “Aney putha stay here for a bit, I will take a picture.” I would suggest you just do as you are told no matter how tedious it gets unless you want to hear the ‘I do everything for you, can’t you just do this one thing for me??!’ argument. Just do it, 20 years from now you might be thankful you took a picture next to an elephant mural (What? You might!).
All You Can Eat
If you are a typical Sri Lankan family, you know that a buffet is your ‘win back all the money you paid for this trip’ opportunity (Especially if you are uncle Laal). Diet restrictions are pardoned for the weekend. There is a free gym in the hotel anyway. You are vegetarian? Not on this vacation you are not. Forget your shellfish allergy and load up on the shrimp. You already drank Piriton so there is nothing to worry about. Are those mini doughnuts you see? Let’s pack some into a tissue so you won’t be tempted to order room service. NO you cannot take the chocolate fountain as well!
Stealing “Collecting” the Complementary Items
Does your family have a Ross from F.R.I.E.N.D.S? I do. This role is fulfilled quite enthusiastically by my Amma. The tiny shampoo bottles and soaps, pens, tea packets and occasionally the batteries from the remote will secretly be smuggled into the suitcase. “This pillow is so soft, do you think they will notice if we take it home?” This would typically earn Amma a disproving frown from Thaththa thus extinguishing her enthusiasm slightly. Just slightly.
Check-out Time!
The stress from checking out will probably cancel out any relaxation you got from the vacation. Typically, Thaththa will make you rip off bedsheets, flip mattresses and pull open all the drawers to make sure nothing has been left behind. Then there is also Amma who will conduct a final inspection to make sure she did not miss any free goods, whilst listening to Thaththa complain about how the suitcase seems heavier than earlier (It’s all the new bathrobes and towels we accumulated). Yup it is quite a long and thorough process. Dear future guests, do not blame the hotel if you are made to wait too long for your new room. A Sri Lankan family must have been there before.
So clearly, Lankan family vacations are far from perfect. We got some fighting, stress and gaining weight at buffets. But the point is, in our own weird photo-taking, over-eating and thrifty ways.. We find a way to have a darn good time.
