2018 Jan 22
So The CW has blessed us with another season of our favorite series, full of redheads, forbidden love affairs and all the elements of a Hindi movie. This season is more melodramatic than the first, and amps up the “what the hell?” factor by like, a bajillion over the last few episodes, which in itself is a clear indication that Riverdale should have been based in South East Asia rather than a Western country. Watching the events of Riverdale unfold, one can’t help but wonder what would happen should the series be based in Sri Lanka instead – fun times, no? Here’s what we thought:
(warning: there will be spoilers to season 2 up ahead)
1. Many more double-takes and sound effects
You know the one thing that the ever-dramatic directors of Riverdale forgot to put on their to-do list? It’s “add more sound effects”. The series would have been highly theatrical should there have been some zooming into shocked faces, echoing screams or double takes whenever something crazy happens. I mean, don’t you love it when that happens in Sri Lankan teledramas?
2. No midnight adventures
Sri Lankan curfews are real buzzkills and brown parents are real watchdogs. Us Lankan teens wouldn’t be able to hop off to the kade to buy a paang, let alone go wandering off into the woods or to random hot tubs with our gal pals. Can you imagine Amma finding out you sneaked off to the shady roads of vanathamulla to spray paint some red circles on walls? You’d be as good as disowned.
3. Amma is essentially Alice Cooper x 10
Snooping through our diaries, forbidding certain shades of lipstick and really pushing you to think about your career after high school got nothing on trying to force feed you gotukola. Alice Cooper for real needs to up her game with the overprotective mother antics because Amma has got that sorted. Of course Mama Cooper and Amma have one thing in common, all they do is done out of love and they just want to protect their babies. So kudos to the strong women in our lives and all they do for us!
4. Forget the Black Hood, enter Grease Yaka
Way before Riverdale even came up with their plot, Lanka had our own dark figure terrorizing innocent citizens. Move over, Black Hood, because the Grease Yaka was here way before you, tapping on women’s windows at night and creeping on poor little gals. The night is dark and full of terrors.
5. Longer skirts for Cheryl and Veronica
Can you imagine walking out of the house in a skimpy cheerleader’s outfit? Or a top that’s so low cut? I mean, I’m all for women wearing whatever they want but thaththa is sure to go an unending rant of “why are you half naked? Go put some bloody clothes on!”
6. Betty would have known who The Black Hood actually is because technology and uh, True Caller?
Contrary to popular belief, us Lankans can be very tech-savvy and smart when we want to be. As much as a Grease Yaka wouldn’t know how to hide his number when making a call, a Sri Lankan Betty would very much know how to install True Caller on her phone and instantly know who’s messing with her.
7. Move over Pop’s Chock’lit Shoppe, hello Pilawoos!
It is a well-known fact that all Lankan nights end at Pilawoos. Who even wants a milkshake at 12am after they’ve been shot at? Nah, all you need is the greasy, unclean comfort of a hot chicken and cheese kotthu and your gunshot wounds will heal themselves, promise. And have you ever heard of someone getting shot in the safe haven that is Pilawoos? Yeah, iced milo > milkshakes any day!
