2022 Feb 12
“Good boys don’t talk about sex!”
If your ammi is like any other Sri Lankan mum, you might have heard something along these lines when you were a kid. As Sri Lankans, the word sex is so taboo that even when we speak of it we refer to sex as “it”.
In the Sri Lankan education system, sex-ed isn’t even a thing. The only exposure we get to it is the chapter about sex in our health science syllabus and that’s when most of us learn what “self-studying” is.
Even though we don’t talk about sex, it’s something most of us eventually get to doing. So, this is ustrying to provide you with some carnal education.
Sex is not as straightforward as you’d think and there’s certain knowledge you should have before getting around to doing it yourself.
So what exactly is “it”?
This is an easy question to answer by a long shot. Depending on whom you ask, sex can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. Contrary to popular knowledge, there are a lot of different types of sex with vaginal, oral, and anal being some of the most common. However, penetration alone is not sex. A good rule of thumb is that if you felt like you have had sex, you have had sex.
How to make it feel good
If done right, sex can be quite awesome. However, having a good time with sex is not always easy and like most things you need practice.
In order to truly be comfortable with sex, you need to make sure that you are comfortable with your partner. Talk to them and figure things out. You might even have to go through a few misses till you get the hang of it.
Keeping the bun out of the oven
The most basic function of sex is to facilitate pregnancy but not everyone wantswant to get a bun in the oven.
Since pregnancy is the main objective of sex, not getting pregnant takes some work and here are some pointers.
- Abstinence is the only sure fire way to not get pregnant.
- Condoms are a great alternative and you can get them for as cheap as LKR 50 from any pharmacy.
- Birth control pills for women can be a good option and, unknown to many, are easily available in Sri Lanka. The most common – a pack of Mithuri – is just LKR 120 and you can get it from any pharmacy.
- Not the most reliable method, yet great for emergencies, is the morning after pill which needs to be taken within 72 hours post-sex. In Sri Lanka, Postinor is a trusted product and you can get Postinor-1 for LKR 150 and Postinor-2 for LKR 120 over the counter at pharmacies.
- Now, most think “pulling out” is a good way to stop things from brewing up. Sorry to break your bubble but this simply DOES NOT WORK.
- For some unknown reason there is a myth that for girls washing your privates with warm soapy water can prevent accidents. Warm soapy water can get rid of a lot of things but a potential baby is not one of them.
Stay safe, kids
Apart from getting pregnant, having a lot of sex can lead to a host of sexually transmitted deceases and infections, especially if you’re active with multiple partners.
Sticking to one person is the best way to stay safe but if you like freedom, make sure you use contraception which does not lead to fluid-to-fluid contact, such as condoms. Get yourself tested at least every 6 months or once a year depending on how active you are. There are STD clinics all around the country as part of main government hospitals that do this for free.
Thinking about “it”
Sex is a big deal and because of this, there are always a lot of cultural, ethical, religious and personal opinions about it. Basically, we think about sex a lot and there are a lot of things that we do need to think about.
Do you want tea?
Consent is one of the most important things when it comes to sex. The idea is simple: if someone doesn’t say “yes” to sex you can’t do anything about it. Here is a great video to explain this simple point (it’s pretty fun so you should watch it).
Virginity is a big deal in Sri Lanka as in most parts of the world but this is an arbitrary concept and it should in no way say anything about the value of a person.
Even if you’re someone who does value virginity (especially for females), you need to keep in mind that women don’t come with a freshness seal. Bleeding or not bleeding during first intercourse is not a measure of virginity. Virginity is a societal construct with no biological basis (and that’s the truth, folks!)
The scarlet letter
The scarlet letter is a popular story on how a village got together and slut-shamed a woman into oblivion and this is NOT OK!
Sex is a beautiful thing that we all enjoy so it should be celebrated. Having sex in any capacity does nothing to diminish who a person is.
When things get scary
Since we don’t talk much about sex we don’t talk about the issues that surround sex and sexual organs. For someone who’s having any issues with sex, this can be absolutely horrible. In situations like this, it’s very important that you get help and the Family Planning Association of Sri Lanka provides a lot of services that can make a big impact.
It’s supposed to be fun
Sex is a big taboo over here but there is no denying that it’s fun. Like anything good in life you need to be responsible with what you do. Have fun, celebrate sex and be happy!