2016 Mar 8
by a Valuable Contributor
To society,
I am not a piece of meat. I’m not your object of pleasure. I am not an item of display. I am human, just as much as you are. I have feelings like you do. I’m not an emotional robot. I am someone’s mother, daughter or sister. Your comments and remarks are for you, and only you to be amused by. As for me, leave me the hell alone.
I was taught to protect myself from danger. I was taught not to accept sweets from strangers when I was a kid. But what I wasn’t taught was that these sweets would soon grow into hand-shakes, hellos and goodbyes, kisses and then promises. If I’m catcalled you’d tell me “I asked for it” but I was only wearing jeans and a t-shirt and I promise you, it was not revealing at all. If I say no to alcohol or drugs, you’d tell me I’m not “cool enough”. If I don’t party enough, you’d make me feel left out, you’d tell me I’m not enjoying life and that I’m a “loser”. If I tell you if I dont believe or want to engage in pre-marital sex, you’d tell me I’m too “old” and “lame” and that you don’t want to be seen with me anymore. But what if I do agree to give in? What if I say yes? What if I decide not be “loser”, “old” or “lame”. Then, you will shun me. You will call me disgraceful and unworthy. You’d blame my parents for bringing me up that way. But what you don’t know, is that you’re the one who’s really at fault. You’re the one who made me pick and choose. You’re the one who decided to carve out my fate for me. It wasn’t my fault.
Feminism has gotten fabricated over the years that now it has become a concept that most detest. We don’t see many fundamentalist feminists in our pearl and hence, we aren’t forced to move away from patriarchy as much as we probably would be if we did see feminists’ hell bent on changing the social norms we’re all trapped in. Feminism isn’t what you probably perceive it to be. It’s not about walking down the streets, with beads of sweat running down foreheads, demanding to be given better opportunities than men. It’s not about wanting to be better, it’s about wanting to be treated better. It’s about respect. It’s about equality. It’s about not having to switch your GPS and have your family or boyfriend on speed dial if it’s 7 in the evening and you’re going home in a tuk down a silent road in Colombo.
What is the point in a parade or a campaign, where we walk for miles demanding we be given respect? Why can’t it just start at home, relationships by kin or love? Why is the idea of a happy relationship or marriage only a light at the end of the tunnel that most fail to reach?
The women who I love and admire for their strength and grace did not get that way because things worked out right the first time. They got that way because things went wrong. They handled it in a thousand different ways on a thousand different days, but they handled it. Those women are my superheroes and today is for them all; those voices struggling to be heard, those giving a voice to those that are struggling and to those too afraid to struggle to find their voice. Like Emma Watson said in her speech that changed the eyes of many, “The more I spoke about feminism, the more I realized that fighting for women’s rights has too often become synonymous with man-hating. If there is one thing I know for certain, it is that this has to stop. For the record, feminism by definition is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. It is the theory of political, economic and social equality of the sexes.” It’s about asking to be treated a little better.
Millions of girls around the world are forced to choose between education and marriage. Why would I want to give up pursuing my dreams to be married to a man twice my age? Sadly, this is only a question we can ask for them, because they aren’t the opportunity to fight against it. How ridiculous it is that they have to let go of who they want to be because their families force them to? Globally, 1 out of 3 women, experience Gender Based Violence; 1 out of 4 females in Sri Lanka are sexually abused before they reach 18; 700 million women alive today were married before age 18.
4 year old Seya didn’t see it coming. She didn’t know she had to say good bye to everyone and everything she knew at the hands of a man. “She was four! What was her thinking?” we’d ask out loud. Really, what was he thinking? Didn’t she deserve to live, to grow up, follow her dreams and bloom into a beautiful woman? Was being a girl what brought her death? What about Vithya who died earlier last year? Did she know that cycling to school would bring her death upon her? Did she know that there were over 5 men, some say, waiting to pound on her?
Every 90 minutes a woman is raped in Sri Lanka.
It could be your daughter, sister or friend. Somewhere, someone you know stands the risk of being abused brutally at the hands of another, every 90 minutes. At least 3 children are raped in Sri Lanka each day. You son, or daughter stands the risk of being brutally abused at the hands of another.
Men, Gender equality is your issue too.
Happy Women’s day to all beautiful ladies out there. Stay strong. Let’s fight for a country where a woman can walk on the road without being harassed verbally. Let’s fight for a country where a woman can use public transport without being harassed physically. Let’s fight for a country where a woman can assure herself her husband or boyfriend isn’t going to rape her. Let’s make respect our priority.
Regards,
A survivor.
