2016 Apr 26
Parenting with Joanne
Tantrums are a very real part of your toddler’s life. If not regularly, at least occasionally, you may be faced with such behavior. How parents handle such situations, determines whether or not your child learns positive ways of expressing his negative emotions, even as an older child. Here are some pointers that can be helpful for caretakers and parents.
- Rule out physical discomfort
When a two year old begins fussing and throwing a tantrum, there may be times that the behavior is caused by an actual physical discomfort such as constipation, hunger, pain etc. At times like these, detecting and attending to these areas of discomfort will most often eliminate the behavior of fussing. Having said that, it isn’t too early in development for a child in his toddler years to learn to express himself in a positive manner. Hence, as parents, when we detect discomfort, we can go a step further and encourage our young ones to speak or sign their communication instead of resorting to fussing and throwing tantrums
- Be mindful of the trigger
Children can develop patterns of behavior which are often triggered by particular stimuli in the environment. If we were to pay closer attention to these patterns, we should be able to detect these triggers and help our children ease into these situations with less resistance. Let me elaborate with an example. If your young child is one who is particular about a routine in his daily activities, take into account that a change in routine may have a negative effect in his behavior. Therefore, if usually an afternoon nap is followed by play time outside and on a certain day, rains prevent that play time, make sure to explain this fact to your young child before he begins fussing. Very often, we as adults, wait till our children begin fussing or throwing a tantrum to pay attention to what is upsetting them. And truth be told, once a tantrum begins, it is much harder to calm a child than before a tantrum begins.
- Remember to stay calm and firm
If a tantrum arises, and you have ruled out physical discomfort as mentioned before, and the only solution is to handle the situation at hand, remember a calm and firm parent can be more effective than a flustered and angry parent. This, I understand is much easier said than done. However, like many types of behavior, this manner of handling tantrums, can be learnt over time by us adults to whom this does not come very easily.
- Minimum words at the time
Long lectures with many words at a time when a tantrum has begun, serve to be fruitless for a child who is focused on his own negative feelings. Instead, getting down on your knees to meet your toddler’s eye level and speaking a few words with meaning, can be much more effective in helping your child be receptive at that very moment.
- Consider self soothing
Being in control during your child’s tantrum is not always necessary. If the place where it occurs, is safe and you can foresee no possible danger in giving your child some time alone, go ahead and do it. There are occasions when the attention that you pay to your child during a tantrum can be the very reason that he persists in such behavior. Try allowing your child to self soothe in situations such as these. If your child returns to you with a calmer tear stained face, engage him in what you are doing and avoid talking of focusing on the trigger that caused the tantrum or the tantrum itself. In this manner, you are showing your child that his negative behavior isn’t really worth your attention; thus not necessary.
Joanne Sathyadass has a Bachelor of Arts majoring in Journalism, Psychology and English Literature from the University of Bangalore now serving as a Special Needs Educator
For any queries please email Joanne on joanne.parenting@gmail.com
