2016 Dec 24
By Aazam Ameen
Christmas is right around the corner, if any of you need a reality check on where the year has gone, well there you have it (don’t worry, 2017 will be a good year….well at least I hope). Every country has their own little way of celebrating Christmas and we Sri Lankans are no exception. So much like the song goes, since the weather outside is frightful (frightfully hot, being Sri Lanka) but the AC inside is so delightful, and since you’re probably on holiday and have no place to go, Here’s how to get through Christmas the Lankan way!
Prepare to bid adieu to your bank balance.
This is probably going to be the hardest part, remember how you dreamt of all the fun ways you could spend your year-end bonus? Well I guess that just isn’t happening. Instead you get to spend it all on gifts for all your relatives, inclusive of the cousins that you only see once a year. Unluckily for you, being Sri Lankan, you probably have A LOT of relatives. It doesn’t stop at gifts though. You’re going to have to splurge on home décor as well. So in addition to not being able to find a parking space at Odel, you’ll have to spend ages standing in line at the cashier.
Putting up the tree.
You know, I think I meant to say, “Putting up with the tree”. We all know how annoying putting up a Christmas tree can be. From digging out that box of dusty old decorations to finding a way to route the wires from the lights so they aren’t kathai as your amma would say. Hanging up the decorations is a delicate art form for you do not want to concentrate too much on one section, else you will fail the quality control test and your amma will label the tree as godei. Anyway, happy decorating to you!
Starving yourself.
As the 25th inevitably comes nearer, you will probably notice your amma on the phone with her relatives quite often. These are the classic signs of invites to various Christmas lunches and dinners. So be happy, for a festive feast awaits you. You know how good the food was last year so you probably want to make as much room in your stomach as possible. The best solution would be to skip a day’s worth of meals before. Nobody wants that feeling of regret where you wish you would have eaten more, so you’re welcome in advance.
Bracing yourself for the small talk and the comments.
Along with all these lunches and dinners comes the inevitable, “Aneh putha you have become so tall!” “Just like the father, noh?” “So tell me tell me have you found a girlfriend?” among many others -.- The only way around it is to muster up your small talk skills which you have gathered over the course of 2016 and dive right in. After all, it only happens once a year right? Either way you had a thada meal before it so you win some you lose some
Faking it till you make it.
Remember those cousins I spoke about earlier that you only meet once a year? Well now you get to pretend like you’re having a good time with them. If they are younger than you, enjoy that game of hide and seek :’) ahh the joys of Christmas time. I suggest you seek first, once you know they’ve hidden themselves just go about doing your own thing (which is basically sitting in a corner scrolling through Instagram) When it comes to actually opening presents, keep your acting skills locked and loaded in case you have to pretend to like them gifts (Mama didn’t raise no hooligan)
The social media aftermath.
Long after the festivities have passed, you will notice that you have been tagged in a lot of photos during the festive season. These are usually uploaded by none other than one of your uncles or aunties who came down from America or Australia for the holidays. So before your friends see them and save them, have fun clicking that untag icon. Munch on some Christmas cake while you’re at it. If you have enough you might even get poddak tipsy.
So there you have it! The number one thing to remember is to keep your head up and be strong, for this too shall pass. That being said, Have a merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous New Year! PS- Switch that AC off, the bills don’t pay themselves 😉
