2016 Nov 11
by Azraa Killru
It’s time to take into account what men have got to say. Everywhere it’s all about women, their thoughts and plights. So, we thought to break the norm and ask guys what irritates them most about women. Here’s what they had to say.
- Repeating things like an old, malfunctioning tape recorder that keeps playing the same line of the song. Does nagging us so much make you happy? You are just trying to be Ammi Version 2.0, breathing down our necks!
- Talk about drama! Why can’t you just let go of things? We get it; things go wrong and it bothers you, but why do you have to make a mountain out of a molehill? Constantly bombarding us with useless questions like,“Who is she?”, “Why was she with you?” and “Is she the other one!?” you bring Jehanr’s “Sh*t Sri Lankan Mothers Say” video into mind. Not cool.
- It’s fair to have expectations from us but when they are set at Hollywood levels, it’s a bit too hard to keep up. SMH! A single man can’t match what a whole team of movie makers, cast and crew puts together. And then there’s those romance books. Read whatever you like, but it’s not realistic to want us to act like the hero conjured up by some unrealistic author. Why did your mom buy you those fairytales? Disney ruined you.This is why you should watch more Sri Lankan films. You will have more realistic expectations. (pft, as if)
- Ladies, we need our alone time. Oh come on, what are we? Some kind of stone carving or programmed machine that walks, talks and acts on your whim? Out of 7 billion people we chose you because you are special to us. No way does that give you the authority to grab the rest of the population from us. At least spare our friends and family we want to hang out with. What’s a weekend without playing cricket with the chaps? Or a long holiday to Ella? The space will help us appreciate you for your understanding and we will miss you like crazy.
- Emotions; We are not scientifically equipped to deal with this. We can support you when you go through highs and lows in life but please don’t unleash your weapon on us. It’s a crime to threaten us with tears.
- Too much chatter. Constant calls. We start hating Hutch free talk time. We like to talk to you, of course, but there is no point in talking over the phone every minute we are away. Whether we are at work, out with friends, tired, or just about getting any job done, it doesn’t count as important as filling up the quota of phone call duration per day.
- Makeup tales? Less is more. Just don’t overdo it. It’s great if it highlights your pretty features but we hate it when it makes you look like a completely different person. That’s when we understand that makeup is too much. And when you decide to get a makeover done at Kumari Akka’s Beauty Parlour at the top of the street because she charges low, it is nightmare personified. Why do you want different shades of the same colour lipstick? Pink is pink. We might never unravel the mysteries of makeup but we come across enough material on the internet to understand the trouble you go through. Just take it easy. We don’t want you to drown yourself in powders and wax. We love your face much better in its natural glory.
- Let’s get one thing straight. If you want a mind reader maybe you should find a physic. Expecting us to read your mind is unreasonable. We can understand mood changes but we can’t decipher your thoughts word to word without a little bit of help from you! Open up and explain what’s going on in your mind. Makes life so much easier for everyone!
- Why compare us? Your friend is earning better than us. A colleague has a better dress sense. A cousin is the most romantic guy to ever walk on this planet and treats his lady perfectly. So, what? Why do you have to place us in a weighing scale and add weight to the other party? We don’t like to be dumbed down. You need to stop doing a typical Lankan aunty anecdote.
