2017 Nov 7
(Dear easily butthurt reader, please calm down! Writers love to use this wonderful technique called satire to convey a point more humorously. Switch-on the sarcasm detector in your brain and read on carefully before you rage against me.)
1. For smothering us
I think we can all agree that Lankan fathers have specialized in the art of showering us with way too much love. When you were a baby, your father was always ridiculously paranoid that his precious patiya would catch a cold. In fact, even at the cost of offending all your relatives, thaththa would tear you away from any aunty or uncle who sneezes (Ever wondered why uncle Lalith never calls anymore?). As you grow up and even after you leave home, he never really changes. More than your partner, more than your boss and more than your friends, Lankan fathers will never fail to bombard your phone with numerous calls, just to ask how your day was or if you’re back home safely. Urghh…when will they give you some space?!
2. For the Motivational Speeches
SL dads are basically a walking, talking Tumblr quote (Step aside TedTalks!).They will fill your days with endless life advice and force you to constantly better yourself. Hence, it’s safe to say that you’re pretty fed up of listening to thaththa’s daily words of wisdom. “Why do you have to wear makeup? You should be confident about the way you look!”. “Please don’t waste your time watching these pissu TV shows. What can you get out of it? Read a book or listen to the news!” (What’s he talking about? There’s so much you can learn from Daenerys of Game of Thrones!). Furthermore, the Thaththa-talks get particularly long on days you’ve screwed things up. On such days, if your father can’t be there in person to preach to you, be sure to expect a massively long text message passionately explaining to you the many times life knocked him down but he never gave up! Honestly, SL fathers really need to get a hobby…
3. For killing sleep and catching puke
If you didn’t already realize from our many public holidays, most Lankans like to sleep. But there is a particular segment of the population who do not agree with this. Namely, our fathers when their children are sick! When you were younger and in bed with the flu, your thaththa refused to get a wink of sleep. As we already know, any act that involves ignoring sleep is a capital crime which disgraces the ways of Sri Lankans! Also, I don’t know about you, but throwing up is not something I can tolerate. So, I really can’t begin to comprehend what inhuman ability my father possesses to hold out his palms for me to throw-up on. If your dad is the same, be sure to get him a T-shirt that says,“Keep calm and catch my vomit” for next fathers’ day! Now that’s a gift he’ll appreciate.
4. For always planning ahead
Most Lankan fathers are extreme perfectionists. Since the day you were born, your thaththa has been plotting your life journey and saving up every Rupee to make sure your future is flawless. Seriously, why can’t he just live for the moment?! WHY can’t thaththa just buy you the iPhone X instead of spending all his money on sending you to a “prestigious university”. However, if you really think about it, SL fathers only plan ahead for their children. When it comes to themselves, thaththas so recklessly choose to invest ALL their life earnings in your education, your first car and anything else that’s good for you! “Dear thaththa, please start thinking about yourself for a change!”
5. For always being there
When your partner says, “I will always be there for you”, he/she means “yeah once in a while when I don’t have anything better to do, I’ll probably pick up your calls…” (Excuse my cynicism) But when a Lankan father says this to his raththaran patiya, he means it 100%. Regardless of whether thaththa is in a meeting or whether it’s 1 in the morning, he will never not answer your calls. When the dreaded SL cockroach descends upon you, your father will come running to your rescue. When you call him up and say “Thaththa can I have McRice today?” no matter how tiring his day was, he will definitely pick it up for you. This is what you do to us, Lankan fathers! You were always there for us and now some poor wife/husband has to deal with what spoil brats we turned out to be!
As you can see, because Lankan fathers whole heartedly dedicate their life to their children’s happiness, it’s very easy to take them for granted.So, how about we change that? Pick up your phones and call your thaththa to say thank you for loving you every day, for putting up with your drama and for not leaving you even when you threw up on him!
