2015 Oct 5
by Shamila Naleer
She read and reread the text messages. The days when he called her ‘baby’ and ‘princess’. The days when he said ‘I love you so damn much’. The words ‘I’ll never let you go,’ haunted her. Switching her phone off, she lay in bed. The tears streaked her face and began to soak her pillow. All she knew was that it was killing.
Having a serious relationship ended is one of the most difficult things a person can go through. No one likes to admit it, but feeling a strong sense of attachment towards the other makes it harder, even more so. If you have been with that person for a long time or even built up a strong bond in the span of a few short weeks, you find yourself feeling empty after that person is gone. You were able to be yourself around them and tell that person anything and everything without any hesitation. Talking to that person as well as spending as much time possible with them was all you could think about. Ordinarily, you would expect the same in return.
Everyone feels differently about break ups. There are the ones who do the breaking up simply because they have lost interest or merely because they just wanted some fun. Once they got it that was the end of the line. The other person may have felt the same way, meaning the break up would not affect them that badly (unless their pride, of course, gets wounded).
Then there are the ones who end the relationship because being in it is just too painful. Sometimes, you give more than you get and in all honesty, that is fine. However, there comes a point when you cannot just keep giving without receiving anything; you feel like you cannot do anything more, you deem you do not have any more time or affection to give. Almost always, you expect someone to tell you they miss you and love you or at least show it through the little things and actions. You hope that they would make time for you like you do for them.
Occasionally, you get people who have a “dream relationship” in mind; a relationship that they have dreamed of having all their lives. For some, it is the kind of relationships you get in the old-fashioned love stories; the flowers, the dates, the romantic little surprises and the occasional love letter. For others, it may be the kind of relationship like Chandler and Monica shared in the all-time favorite TV series, FRIENDS; a relationship where you could just be goofy, joke around, be best friends and do everything you can to make the other happy and ensure they stay happy, all because you love him or her that much.
The truth about breaking up (for people who find it hard to cope with, that is) it is not easy. Certainly, you find people who find it painless to get over. A couple of days or weeks at maximum, and they are good to go. Others just need a way to get it out of their systems. Almost all the time, people say talking about it helps. Frankly, it does not make it any easier for some. It may help a certain number of people. Yet, there are the ones who just cannot talk about it because speaking of it hurts even more as it can bring up the memories, good and bad.
Some people turn to a ‘rebound’ relationship, just so the other person can distract them from the pain they go through or simply as a method to replace the person they lost. It can be a solution. However, it is not fair by the person being used as the rebound, but the blunt reality is that life never is fair. Everyone is going to have their heart broken at least once, no matter how.
Blocking the person off social media and other communicative methods may not be very effective either. At some point, most of us are bound to unblock the person in hopes of them trying to reach out. When it doesn’t happen, you’re left feeling even more miserable.
Throwing yourself into your work, studies or any other past time activity you pick up may distract you from the break up, too. However, some of us cannot even get ourselves to concentrate on the activity as the thought of the break up as well as that person is overpowering.
Alcohol and drugs may give you temporary relief, but later, you are left with a killer hangover along with the still-there hurt. Under the influence you may commit unspeakable things, resulting in the already mind exhausting pain in addition to the fact that you have to live with yourself knowing of the things that you did.
All in all, dealing with a break up affects us in different ways. We just need to learn to live with what happened and in time, you will be fine. You may meet the person of your dreams, you may not. Either way, as long as you can look at yourself in the mirror or think about the past without crying, then you will be fine. The sorrow of it all may never leave you, but you just get comfortable with the things that hurt you in the past. Pain and heartbreak demand to be felt. It is inevitable.
