2015 Oct 22
Sri Lanka is renowned worldwide for its extensive diversity with regards to flora and fauna; however have we ever taken a moment to glance through the equally vivid diversity of our own species? To be more exact, the mystical, complex and inexplicable of the two genders. It’s about time we men explore what we can in our counterparts spread across the island and at least attempt to comprehend the immensely sophisticated characteristics of the fairer sex.
A quick note to all the ladies taking their time off to skim through this, with that annoyed look on their faces: this ten-fold classification was made with absolutely no intention of degrading, judging or looking down upon anyone but simply to decorate that tired, stress-filled face with a beautiful smile.
And all men with that snide grin across your faces wondering where your partners must be fitting, keep in mind that some of you could also definitely fit into these descriptions.
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Little Miss Hottie
With 10k+ followers on instagram and hourly snapchats on what’s for breakfast and the afternoon nap, she’s the one to believe that no short skirt is short enough for her. Getting all the attention in the world where ever she goes is the ultimate goal in life and she is always trying to be the centre of action in her clique of friends. She’ll be seen quite frequently at the gym or running around independence square in some alluring outfit. If you happen to turn around for a second glance at her, and notice ten other men doing just the same, there you go: you’ve spotted miss hottie.
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Loving Sister
She will simply adopt you to her extended family of pretty much the entire town in your first encounter itself. A rare ability to talk with any random stranger as if she’s known him since childhood coupled with her every-readiness to help the whole world, this is the ideal friend for anyone. Emotional assistance, shoulder to cry on, friend to cheer you up or give that hug of comfort and inspiration, she is definitely the one. Oh, and she is a firm believer of good and bad and morals armed with a collection of interesting tales from all religions to rebuild any broken heart.
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Nerdy Girl
“Eww… I don’t need boys! I’m becoming island first and all I need is books and notes…” The role model girl doted upon by every teacher and parent; she will constantly bug her girl-friends pestering them, “Aiyooooy paadam kare nedda?” With high aspirations and the required commitment to give up anything to reach the zenith of her career, she is set to be a fountain of success. Despite gaining popularity by helping all the other girls with their homework, she often struggles to get along with them. Her lack of social skills really comes out in those awkward situations of meeting and communicating with the male species.
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“Traditional mum” girl
From stalking you all day ensuring you don’t flirt with unwanted girls to giving that rigorous scan to all your text messages, she is the over attached partner who wants immediate responses to all her Whatsapps. You miss one of her calls, you’re doomed for the next few days. Also emotional and knows to cry her way through anything to turn you around to her will. She is vehemently against the ‘miss hottie’ type of girls and will do anything to express her scorn towards them. Alert: you break or damage any of this over-possessive girl’s belongings and you’re doomed!
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Please… I just don’t care!
A firm believer of neo-liberalism and individual empowerment (also known as not giving a damn about what others think) you can witness her doing the craziest and weirdest things one could imagine. The whole world slandering about those eccentricities won’t stop her from being herself. Talk about confidence; she’ll give you that in the dozen. Also alarmingly open and honest with everyone, she is a source of all the chitter chatter, rumours and gossip in town. A simple comment to restrict her choice, which will quickly result in a bombastic trail of gibberish on self-autonomy and individuality and what not, is the easiest way to identify her.
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“Anee… do I look fat in this dress?”
Next in line is the shy girl, who always spends a few hours beside her dressing table before she’s ready to walk out of her room. Relatives often find it difficult to recognize her owing to the layers of make-up she prefers to adorn her face with. If spotted on a street, you notice how every now and then she’ll be adjusting her jeans or dress or lipstick. The pocket mirror is her bestie and her favourite line is definitely “Shit he’s looking; I should fix my hair!!!”
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Party Girl
“You gotta see this new dude I met at the club last night…” With an extreme attachment to screaming and dancing and partying all night with her gang of boys, she definitely knows every Tom, Dick, and Harry in town. The epitome of what we call socially outgoing, she is up for any adventure or challenge. She is talented at seducing any boy or man within minutes and has an amazing ability to keep drinking all night without getting drunk.
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Miss Grumpy
You noticed a cute-looking girl in the corner of your class back at school engulfed in a book all day. You had just realized she’s in your class after one whole term and decided to have a chat. “Omg! You have no idea what I had to go through. That break up was just horrible…” Meet miss grumpy who thinks the whole world is one plethora of errors and flaws and can go all day complaining how she is the unluckiest person ever. She prefers to distance herself from peers, and often fills up the void of a best friend with her pet doggy (who ironically seems to be flawless).
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Modern Girl
“If he wants to talk, he’d better text me first…” That proud flair of hers comes out every now and then as she stands independent ready to bow her head to no one. Hardworking and committed to whatever she does, she has complete confidence in herself. She will always be attempting to control you without your knowledge and often gets away with it unnoticed. On the other hand, she loves exploring anything new and always supports anyone voicing out opinions outside convention. Her frequents conflicts with the more conservative older ladies coupled with a strikingly distinct fashion sense will help you identify her easily.
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Smart Girl
She’s the one up for a bit of that crazy stuff but is smart to keep her limits. “No you’re not going to waste your life doing that!” She’ll always try to stop you from getting into unwanted trouble. Yet she gives room for a bit of adventure and exploration inside her comfort zone placing absolute trust on you. A firm believer of eternal love, she will stand by you at all times ready to make any sacrifice. However breaking that trust is the key to opening up her deadly side.
And that sums up the ten types of girls we managed to spot in Colombo. The list can definitely have a couple more additions, and do keep in mind that you’ll surely meet most who don’t belong to one but are a mixture of a few of these personalities.
Keeping all that aside, let’s come to our final note. We noticed a range of vividness and differences that some might find appealing and some not.
As a great man (yes, he’s from Colombo) once said, “The beauty of the rainbow lies not in its shape or thickness or translucence, but in its range of different colours. Beauty is indeed just another word for diversity.”
